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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Why Some Women Are Depressed
Tips On How to Communicate With a Man With Depression
How do you talk to someones who's not talking? How do you help a man help himself? Ugg!!!
Somethings wrong with your guy, but all you hear, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Symptoms of major depression last for two weeks or more.
Steps on how to communicate with a Man with Depression.
Step#1 Don't Ask if He's Depressed?
Men shame easily when suffering from depression. To hear Are you Depressed,? he may withdraw instantly. Possibly lashing out with anger. Be gentle, caring. You know your Man. Ask, You don't seem to have energy. Are you OK? Do you feel OK? Why don't you get checked out?" The stigma surrounding depression makes it nearly impossible for men to speak about it directly. Be Patient and non-threatening.
Step #2 Withdrawal of Love Doesn't Work
You may get frustrated with his non-reply, but using affection as a bargaining chip doesn't work. If he's depressed this may increase his feeling of helplessness. Again you risk withdrawal, risky behavior, increase alcohol/drug use. Remember he can't just "Snap Out of It."
Step#3 Get Educated about Depression
Knowledge of symptoms, risk factors makes you better able to empower him. Myths, misinformation destroys all attempts to get him to empower himself. Because, in the end only he can save himself. 78% of all married men who visited a doctor had been influenced to do so by their wives.
Step#4 You Must Take Care of You First
Find support. Speak with trusted family members, speak with other women who may have gone through it with their mate. Join a depression support group. Depression takes a toll on everyone. If you're supporting him, who's supporting you? Don't be a damn superwoman! Don't take his illness personal. You get empower also!
Step#5 Stay With It
Stay consistent with seeking help from a Physician. Don't be fooled by episodes of "He Seems better" "A Pray Session" "or Good Sex" Major depression undiagnosed will eventually halt him emotionally, physically and psychologically. Give him Love and Education for treatment and you would have done all that you could control. Empower him, and he'll make the right decision for both of you.
Tips On How To Destroy Depression and Build Your Marriage
Depression and marriage don't mix. Even great marriages can fall apart when one of the couple suffers from depression.
It is important, then, to recognize some of the common thought patterns of depressed people in order to be compassionate with them and to be able to help them break these thoughts and return to normal life.
Read on to learn 3 destructive thoughts that were identified by Dr. Aaron Beck.
1. Mental filter - A common pattern in depressed people is that they only see their failures and inadequacies and are blind to their successes. For instance, if they make a joke at a party and everyone except for one person laughs, they perceive this to be that NO ONE thinks that they know how to tell a joke. If they prepare an elaborate meal for the in-laws and one thing gets burnt, they feel like the whole meal was ruined and they don't how to cook.
A lot of times the "non-suffering' spouse doesn't understand why they are feeling so bad since they see how delicious the WHOLE meal was or how 99% of the people laughed at his joke.
Keep this in mind and gently point out to them their successes until they will also admit to themselves that they are not as bad as they see it.
2. Disqualifying the positive. Even if you are able to bring to their attention their successes, they immediately dismiss your argument and give an excuse why it happened. "Yea, you know them, they laugh at anything" or "They are such nice people. They only laughed to make me feel good."
In the example of the meal with the in-laws, she might say, "Those things? They are so easy to make anyone can do it". Be prepared for this reaction and don't fall for their explanations. Gently point out that they don't always laugh at jokes or the other courses of the meals are also hard to cook. Stick to your guns.
3. Personalization- With this thought pattern the person suffering from depression sees themselves as the cause of botch ups and failures even though they are not really responsible.
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